May all the tormented soles rest in peace

by paul marvin

We are gathered here today to celebrate those who have passed. This is not a time to grieve. Instead, celebrate relationships that were a perfect fit.

Our journeys together have concluded. Companions until the end. Not always with relationship perfection. At times, we became estranged. I’m sorry for forcing you in the trunk of my car and forgetting about you for a few days. It didn’t make things any better you were tied up.

We certainly won’t talk about the time I BS’d you and rubbed it in a little too much. Though it pains me to say, our smell together was never pretty. Usually my fault.

Even at our best, I walked all over you.

This Day of the Dead, may all tormented soles rest in peace.

In the North Country, we call this celebration Halloween. Fitting, it occurs in the autumn when things die or go dormant. The weather changes for the worst. We participate in seasonal activities like corn mazes, apple everything, and the wagering of furnace wars with the loved ones we still have around. Every year, Linus anticipates the Great Pumpkin, while his sister pulls the football from under our Purple People Eaters and their dedicated followers.

Purple People Eaters are one-eyed, one-horned, flyin’, Up-North, mythical creatures like Lake Rats and Food Chickens. During the height of their popularity, these Norsemen ravaged and pillaged the fields of Wisconsin, Michigan, and Illinois. Truth be told, the battles occured before my time, which is why I can’t say for sure whether they really existed.

All Hallows’ Eve kicks off the Day of the Dead festivities on October 31 (usually before Lucy pulls the football). Little kids and naughty older ones dress up and mingle with strangers for treats in the dark. It’s actually very scary.

This time of year is cold so the children focus on warmer soles during the holiday. Older ones focus on soles with pointy heels and toes. Like naughty witches, fairies, and nuns.

Generally speaking, the day is associated with the overconsumption of candy for little ones. I’m not a parent, but I know this is good for the health of all small ghosts and goblins, and the pocketbooks of dentists. The naughty kids go to the bar or haunted house parties and act downright ghoulie.

All Saints’ Day (All Hallows’) takes over on the first day of November. The celebration this year could go either way. Descendants of the Purple People Eaters engage in competition versus a squad of Saints from New Orleans a few days prior. Until recently, tensions between our horned creatures and the Saints were fierce. In 2009, our competitors from the south engaged in an evil conspiracy known as Bountygate. Days were dark for almost a decade. Not until the Minneapolis Miracle of this year did true victory prevail. My guess is both sides will come together in the end, just in time to enter the final Day of the Dead on November 2, honoring the newest soles marching through the pearly gates together. Some with traditional cleats, others better suited for U.S. Bank Stadium turf.

All Soles Day commemorates all soles, holy soles (like the ones in this photo), and all the faithful departed. Catholics pray their loved ones who have passed will be allowed to make the transition from Purgatory to Heaven.

Heaven is a much better option than the alternative. H-E-double hockey sticks. Or as I like to call it, being forced to interact with naughty kids at the bar who have over consumed.

Considering the abuse we put on our soles throughout the rest of the year, they deserve nothing but eternal glory.

paul marvin is a communications/marketing consultant and artist who lives in northern Minnesota. View his work at northcountrycrock.com or paulmarvinarts.com.