Water is Life

By paul marvin

Do you know why everybody from Minnesota is really, really, ridiculously good looking? Because, as real life merman Derek Zoolander said in the movies, “Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.”

If that’s the case, Minnesota has 10,000 beauty secrets.

If you are unfamiliar with the merman’s story, it’s relatable. For the first time since saying goodbye ears earlier, he recently returned home to a mining community. His dream? To make a new life and seek the approval of his father Larry, not professional film and television actor Jon Voight.

Derek’s dad and brothers were the hardest of workers in the mines. Big shoes to fill. The tall brother was at least six and a half feet. He must have worn a size 14 boot. He also resembled real life actor Vince Vaughn.

Did you know Vince Vaughn was actually born in Minnesota? Look it up. True story. My cousin knows Vince’s sister and my nephew’s name is also Vince. We lake rats are all related.

Lake rats, like mermaids, are a real life type of mythical water creature, but that’s another story.

The thing is, people from New Jersey, where the merman’s hometown was, are all tan and fit with clean laundry. They have boisterous personalities and less than boisterous intellectual capacity. You can see them on television from the Shore. Derek should have fit in perfectly. A major plot hole in this totally real, not Hollywood story.

Either way, it wasn’t Derek’s fault he was born a mythical and gorgeous being with perfect bone structure and hair. He didn’t need approval. As a merman, he was surrounded by all the water he would ever need. In turn, his life had the most value. Meaning and purpose.

Like you’ve heard time and again, “water is life” and “there must be something in the water.”

Which is why we return to the water every summer. Area lakes, pools and streams make us feel alive and youthful. We don’t need to search for the meaning of life. We have it right here. Unless of course you are reading this from outside the land of sky blue waters. In which case, you’ll have to bear (Hamm’s) with me.

Cabin life and true-north adventures are traditions like no other. Pontoon rides and fish tales transcend generations and bring families together.

Recently, my wife and I had the privilege of welcoming a special little mermaid to be part of our world for a week. No, not that Little Mermaid. You poor unfortunate soul, movie characters are not real, contrary to what you might read the paper.

Hailey is our seven-year-old niece. Truth be told, we don’t have kids so it was a little fun getting our feet wet as parental types.

We experienced kid things. Reminders to wash behind ears, not to assist with the seatbelt (she’s got it covered), and that dinglehoppers are more polite than fingers at dinner.

Fortunately there were gadgets and gizmos a plenty around here to keep kids busy. Whozitz and whatzitz galore. Mostly involving the water.

Magical things I used to do while visiting Aunt Nancy as a kid. My sister (the mermaid’s mom) and I were lucky to spend time with her and our Uncle Denny during the summer growing up. Days at the pool. Time on the lake. Nancy loved to water ski. I loved our wonderful time together.

To this day, Aunt Nancy is my Fairy Godmother.

One time while visiting, I lost my first toof after swimming. The Toof Fairy (a friend of my aunt, they have fairy stuff in common) brought a silver dollar. A life-changing event for a seven-year-old.

Nancy and Denny eventually had two kids. Pete and Steve. Two of the best people I know and love.

Funny enough, the first night the little mermaid slept here, we placed a toof she lost earlier in the day, under her pillow. The next day she found five bucks. I told Hailey the Toof Fairy knows my Fairy Godmother Aunt Nancy and that’s the reason for her jackpot. Hailey was also reminded I spoke with the Toof Fairy who said she sleeps with all her weight on the pillow so it was difficult to swap out the toof for dollars without waking. Someday I’ll ask my Fairy Godmother if that was true 30 years ago.

This toof fell out during one of those small town, “up-north” parades. Probably the most paramount event to affect the community celebration since 1969’s Miss Town Queen gave up her crown. Fortunately for everybody in town, my Fairy Godmother Aunt Nancy faithfully stepped in and assumed the regal role with beauty and grace. Like she always did. Something I know to be certain because the mersister and I spent so many summer days with her on the water.

These days my Fairy Godmother, a beautiful mythical being in her own right, is wearing her crown and slalom skiing somewhere on a magical lake.

Full of life.